Jesus loves me, this I know…

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Heathens!  Well, at least they’re not Muslims!

For more blasphemy, check here…

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“American scientific companies are crossbreeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains.”

This shocking scientific advancement was revealed by  Nobel Laureate and  Delaware senate candidate Christine O’Donnell on the O’Reilly Factor in 2007. 

On regaining consciousness after the surgical procedure, 98% of participating mice immediately cancelled their Tea Party memberships and burned their foam Statue of Liberty crowns.  The remainder were quickly eaten by cats.

Scientists were circumspect about their achievement, saying “Yeah, it was pretty challenging.  But in fairness, it’s not like we were trying to grow a brain in Christine O’Donnell, or anything.”

Asked for comment, John Steinbeck lamented “I was just kidding, for Christ’s sake.”

Hallowed Ground, Chicken Hawks, and Cowards

Republican and Tea Party cowards unite!

OMG!! The Muslims are proposing that we defile the “hallowed ground” of Ground Zero!!!! They must be terrorists, because they obviously don’t appreciate the sensitivity of the area near the Trade Centers!!! Despite the fact that they are American citizens, and many Muslims were killed in 9/11. Right, Newt and Sarah??? OMG!! We need to stop the building of this mosque, because otherwise we’re all going to die!!!!   But we’re brave patriots – Give me Liberty or Give Me Death! Unless I could be offended in some way, which is certainly worse than death, so, by all means, let’s just toss the Constitution if it’s inconvenient. We need to stop this!!

 Well. actually, not stop this – actually, we must UNDO this. We must undo what’s been going on in this area for generations without objection. Since we are real patriots, we must require that all of the current businesses in the area fold up shop and go elsewhere, lest we offend the brave Americans who died in the 9/11 tragedy. No more trivializing the tragedy with strip clubs, off-track betting and Burger King, which have been running businesses in this area forever. No more coffee shops, T-shirt stands, or doughnut shops. Because that’s what the terrorists want. And anyone running these companies is obviously in league with Hamas, the Iranians, the Saudis, or Bin Laden himself.

 For the sake of our children, we need to ask our political leaders about their thoughts on freedom of religion, and whether it’s appropriate. About whether or not we should pay attention to the Constitution, because we’re so busy ranting about how we support it. Except when we don’t really like it. You know, we should ask the politicians who have sworn to uphold the Constitution whether or not they actually plan to do so. Or just terrorize people by vilifying our fellow citizens because we’re cowardly chickenshits hiding under our desks. Because that’s what Republican Tea-Party tough-guys do.

 Because they really are tough guys, you know?  But, let’s see. How many of them have actually fought for our freedoms or have been willing to make any sacrifice at all? Like, say serving in the military, paying taxes to support our troops in a war they support, or eating less butter, or anything at all? Sarah Palin? Newt Gingrich? Rush Limbaugh? Glenn Beck? Michele Bachmann? Sean Hannity? Bill O’Reilly? Karl Rove? George Bush? Dick Morris? Dick Cheney? Liz Cheney? John Boehner? Mitch McConnell?

 OK, not a single one. They’re big on sending others to fight, but not willing to actually do anything whatsoever themselves. Not even spending one dime in taxes, not a single damned thing.

 Sounds to me like the definition of “chicken hawk” and “coward”. But who am I to say? I actually believe in the Constitution.  So, note the following anti-Christian, pro-Muslim, terrorist-sympathizing, anti-American businesses within the “hallowed grounds”
of Ground Zero.  Which of course you will be insisting be moved farther from the pits to honor those who died.  Or, of course, you won’t do anything remotely similar.

 

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So, all of you FOX-watching, Palin-worshiping, science-denying, idiots – stand up and support the actual Constitution and the basic concepts of what it means to be an American and support those who sacrificed on 9/11, or shut the f**k up, you hypocritical cowards.

Armageddon #4 – Terror Babies!

OMG!  Terror babies! You can’t even make this stuff up. Unless you’re in the Tea Party or GOP, in which case, evidently, you can.

According to Louie Gohmert (first of all, why should we take seriously anyone from Texas named Gohmert?) According to Louie during a recent rant on the floor of the House, women are coming into the country illegally to have babies so they can then go home, spend the next 20 or 30 years raising them as terrorists, then sending them back to us to wreak havoc on the US. Because, there couldn’t possibly be a more efficient way for the terrorists to do this. Like, say, coming into the country now.

When pressed during a recent appearance on Anderson Cooper (clip below) for any evidence whatsoever to support these allegations, Gohmert began hyperventilating and didn’t stop for for a full 9 minutes except on occasion to wipe dribble from his chin. He’s right, there’s a big threat to this country that nobody is paying attention to. Named Gohmert.

Related Story: Kimberly Clark, maker of Huggies Diapers, has announced its new “Burqa Babies” line of infant wear. They come with convenient adhesive straps for a snug fit, as well as integrated wiring and pouches for explosives and shrapnel.

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!  Life as we know it is over!!!!   They’re building a mosque in NY on hallowed ground!  Now that the Burlington Coat Factory is being taken over, where will I get my outerwear?????????

OMG!

Armageddon #3 – Hitler AND Antichrist – Man, is this guy good!

OK, this isn’t even a challenge.  I could do this all day.

The Minnesota Independent’s Andy Birkey reports that Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) has thrown her support behind a Nov. 9 fundraiser in St. Paul for the Citizens’ Council on Health Care, which bills itself as “a free-market resource for designing the future of health care.” The fundraiser’s top-billed speaker, Maria Anne ‘Hansi’ Hirschmann, is known for comparing President Obama to Adolf Hitler and warning that Obama may “pave the way for a future Antichrist.”

From The Minnesota Independent:

According to the Colorado Springs Gazette, Hirschmann has said, “Obama, like Hitler, is ‘a charismatic leader who promises full pocketbooks.’ Obama’s pro-choice stands, she writes, resembles those of Hitler, who ‘brought abortion to a systematic level and declared the killing of unborn babies a national duty.’”

Hirschmann also told the Gazette, “He could pave the way for a future Antichrist. Obama scares me because he has no record and people flock to him. Hitler also had no record, people flocked to him and both wrote a book. Christians laid flat and Hitler came to power, just like with Obama.”

Armageddon #2

OK, part of this is right.  “Radical leaders prey on the fearful & naive.”  Given that this quote is immediately beneath pictures of Hitler, Obama, and Lenin, “Irony, thy name is Tea Party”.

Aside from that, and the fact that Obama has not actually murdered millions of people and tried to take over other countries (that was kind of a GW Bush thing), it’s spot on.

And don’t think too much about that whole “constitutionally elected by a majority of the citizens” thing, either, because that’s inconvenient.

Armageddon #1

President Obama and the business community have been at odds for months. But in July the chairman and cofounder of the Blackstone Group, one of the world’s largest private-equity firms, amped up the rhetoric. Stephen Schwarzman was addressing board members of a nonprofit organization when he let loose. “It’s a war,” Schwarzman said of the struggle with the administration over increasing taxes on private-equity firms. “It’s like when Hitler invaded Poland in 1939.”

[Exactly.  Except for that invading other countries and killing millions of people thing.  But otherwise, exactly the same.  Hitler will be forever reviled for his tax policy.]

Attendees at the board meeting (who provided details on condition that they and the organization not be identified) were shocked. “War? Hitler? Poland? A little over the top for a proposal to make hedge-fund managers pay their fair share in taxes,” one attendee says about the comments.

Schwarzman’s original beef with Obama grew out of a 2008 campaign promise that  private-equity-fund managers would be taxed as ordinary income (35 percent) instead of capital gains (15 percent). Obama and many Democrats have argued that it’s unfair for people like Schwarzman, with a net worth of about $8 billion, to pay taxes at a lower rate than their secretaries and chauffeurs. [OMG!!! I have to pay the same tax as my secretary!!! Hitler!  Hitler!  and probably Stalin, too!!]